Happy 31st Gray Family Anniversary

O SOVEREIGN LORD, 
Thou art the Creator-Father of all men, 
for thou hast made and dost support them; 
Thou art the special Father of those who know, 
love and honor thee, 
who find thy yoke easy, and thy burden light, 
thy work honourable, 
thy commandments glorious.  
But how little thy undeserved goodness has affected me!
how imperfectly have I improved my religious privileges!  
how negligent have I been in doing good to others!  
I am before thee in my trespasses and sins, 
have mercy on me,
and may thy goodness bring me to repentance.  

Help me to hate and forsake every false way, 
to be attentive to my condition and character, 
to bridle my tongue, 
to keep my heart with all diligence,
to watch and pray against temptation, 
to mortify sin, 
to be concerned for the salvation of others.  

O God, I cannot endure to see the destruction of my kindred.  
Let those that are united to me in tender ties 
be precious in thy sight and devoted to thy glory. 
Sanctify and prosper my domestic devotion, 
instruction, discipline, example, 
that my house may be a nursery for heaven, 
my church the garden of the Lord, 
enriched with trees of righteousness of 
thy planting, for thy glory;

Let not those of my family who are amiable, moral, attractive, 
fall short of heaven at last;
Grant that the promising appearances of a tender conscience, 
soft heart, the alarms and delights of thy Word, 
be not finally blotted out, 
but bring forth judgment unto victory 
in all whom I love.  
Puritan Prayers and Devotions, The Family
Valley of Vision Book of Prayers

Tonight we gathered to celebrate what God has accomplished since that Friday night, September 25th, 1987, when Mark and I became a family.  Tonight we gathered as 8 individuals to share a meal and devotion time, which I have long anticipated being able to do around our table.  
I am thankful for what God has accomplished.  In His way, and on His watch, He is intricately knitting together what He desires our family to become.  I want to trust Him.  
My heart is always in prayer for those I hold close to my heart, all the more earnestly as we go our separate ways.
He knows, and He hears my prayer that never seems to end...  

Our menu tonight was chosen by Dad, which consisted of:  Steak (smoked on the grill), Oven Roasted Idaho and Sweet Potatoes mixed w/cubed Butternut Squash and chopped sweet Vidalia onion (seasoned with olive oil, cracked pepper, coarse salt, parsley, and garlic), Roasted Asparagus (seasoned similarly), Spinach and Romaine salad with tomatoes, green onions, and sweet bell pepper, Croissant rolls, Sweet Tea or water, and Apple Pie w/Ice Cream.  I enjoyed it very much, and the others also.  I'd much rather enjoy a meal as this at home, than in a restaurant.  I already look forward to eating a few leftovers tomorrow.  
Thank you, LORD, for the blessing of Your Word, answered prayer, perfect provision, love and the priceless gift of family on this special night together.  As always, I didn't want it to end!  

Our Steadfastness in Christ

Are we not creatures of time and space?  
Are we created constant by nature? 
No- whatever there is of steadfastness in us is Christ Himself.  
It is not for us to strive to control and steady ourselves.  
It is for us to commit our poor being to Him who is all steadfastness and truth and love.  
Then let Him do with us today as He wishes- 
perhaps as yesterday we should never have anticipated He would do.
Elisabeth Elliot


Poppy has had a good week.  He has been at Westminster Woods of Julington Creek Rehabilitation for two weeks now, and he is doing exceptionally well, and improving as they desire.  

It comes natural for me to feel anxious about his recovery, fearing he may not fully regain his strength or the use of his left leg, but I cannot linger there.  
I want to trust the LORD will faithfully sustain and provide for my dad's needs, and care, as He wills.  Why am I tempted to think otherwise??
We are scheduled for a family meeting next week, before Dad is released the following week

I am asking the LORD to help me grow in my knowledge of Him, to mature me in His gracious love, that I may better express His love and faithfulness to Meme and Poppy as they are now faced with this new season for living and loving one another!  


I sought the LORD, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.  
Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.  
This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of his troubles.  
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him, and delivers them.  
Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!  Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!  
Oh, fear the LORD, you His saints, for those who fear Him have no lack!
The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.  
Psalm 34:4-10

Home is Where There is One to Love Us

Home's not merely four square walls,
Though with pictures hung and gilded;
Home is where affection calls-
Filled with shrines the hearth had builded!  
Home!  Go watch the faithful dove,
Sailing 'neath the heaven above us. 
Home is where there's one to love!
Home is where there's one to love us!

Home's not merely roof and room,
It needs something to endear it;
Home is where the heart can bloom,
Where there's some kind lip to cheer it!
What is home with none to meet,
None to welcome, none to greet us?  
Home is sweet, and only sweet, 
Where there's one we love to meet us!  
by Charles Swain

Our children enjoyed a getaway with friends last week, but before they walked out the door, I asked if I could take their picture.  Being the silly siblings they are, I captured a few of their poses that became treasures that sustained me through their quiet absence.  

Our hearts and home have been marked by their presence and very unique and fun-loving personalities.  They have always added soo much to our family.  They're not only fun, and loving, they are uniquely individually prized and enjoyed.  They are each a gift from God, which we have received and value with the deepest affection.  Whether they're home or away, our children will forever be the rhthym of our beating hearts!   They have indeed added soo much to the HOME, SWEET, SWEET HOME, we enjoy and treasure!  

Note:  When you're trying to tickle your brother's armpit, never underestimate his desire to have it tickled.  

My Strength and Portion

Whom have I in heaven but you?  And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.  

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever.  

Psalm 73:25-26, ESV

Thanking the LORD today for His generous reminder of strength  and provision for my encouragement when I need it most. 
It had been several days, and I felt I was managing fine after Daisy's death, but the LORD gave me an extra measure of His tender mercy.  He is compassionate and good!   
He is Faithful to love and lift me, but that's no surprise!   It’s just...
the most simple of reminders are soo very timely and meaningful. 

My dear friend, Kathy Fili, gave me this bouquet of daisies last Sunday, rainbow colors <smile>, because she also has cats and knows the grief of putting one to sleep.  What a tender friend, and pretty gift of love she expressed.  The daisies are still as beautiful today as they were the day Kathy gave them to me.  

Another dear friend, named Kat, ironically, was very intentional to hug me that same day and told me how she'd been praying for me since learning about Daisy.  Kat also had a very difficult week, fearing her cat would not make it through his health trial, but thankfully, he recovered.  With as much tenderness as Kat felt when she and her husband euthanized their oldest cat last year, Kat hugged and comforted me.  

The LORD's portion for me is measureless, because He is measureless.  He is everything I truly need, and on this day through the love and prayers of friends and their very intentional leaning into my grief , He strengthened me.    
Thank you, Father, for generously and faithfully loving me in good times and sad times.   

Mercy and Grace by Storm

This picture was taken the day after our sweet Daisy was put to sleep.  I came home to face her empty room late that afternoon, the laundry room, and I collected all her bedding and threw them into the washing machine.  It was something to do to hide away the pain of her absence. 

After burying her, we quickly turned face and made fast preparations for our church family to arrive for Life Group Bible study here in our home that evening.  I didn't return to the laundry room until the next morning.
When I opened the washing machine, I hesitated and wondered, "What happened???"

Daisy's down feather pillow had exploded during the wash cycle!  Loose wet downy feathers were everywhere..., definitely the kind of mess I didn't think I had the energy to clean up that morning, but I did... by His grace! 

  

Mark laughed, and I cried.  I had soo much emotional tension to release.  My dad was in the hospital, I was feeling weary and worn for fearing another kidney stone, and Daisy was gone... just like that.  

With a very deep breath, I took the next step.  Mark encouraged me to conquer.  I began the task of removing the bedding and debris from the tub, and he cleaned the filter under the tub that was clogged.  I'm thankful it wasn't too difficult.  Most of the wet downy feathers separated and fell out of the bedding in clumps.  

What I didn't anticipate was how quickly I should have removed the feathers from the room, before wiping, and wiping and wiping out the tub.  It didn't take long before those tiny feathers had dried and began wafting away.  Before I knew it, we were watching them float down the hall, with our passing current, past the refrigerator and freezer and into the kitchen.  I even found some had made it to the dining room and family room.  I scooped up everything I could collect and took it out the back door to shake out before bringing it back in to put in the dryer.  During the drying cycle, I had to check the lint filter often to clear the down from limiting air flow.  

Needless to say, the interruption of that day helped to turn my focus away from the loss I'd experienced, to the more necessary blessing of work.  The mess became a project, which I quickly realized was what I needed.  That work was a gift, a balm which encouraged peace and comfort for my tender heart.  

I am rehearsing this sweet grace today, because the days ahead will be filled with thoughts of those who are experiencing fear for what  Hurricane Florence will bring and leave behind.
I am praying for those who have had to evacuate.
I sense dread for them, but I pray and trust the LORD will provide mercy and help through those who are making preparations to rally.  

Father God,

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,
that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
and for as many years as we have seen evil.
Let your work be shown to your servants,
and your glorious power to their children.
Let the favor of the LORD our God be upon us,
and establish the work of our hands upon us;
yes, establish the work of our hands!   
Psalm 90:14-17

Be of Good Courage: Wait on the LORD!

I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart:  wait, I say, on the LORD. 

Psalm 27:13-14

My prayer for my family, especially my father, is that we will believe to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of our living/circumstances.  The LORD has been gracious, even in the unwanted experience of Poppy's mini-stroke of the brain stem.  
I pray Poppy will know the LORD's mercy in preserving him alive, and that he will know His presence during these next few weeks as he spends more time alone.  

I am asking the LORD to draw Poppy to Himself so that their communion will be personal and sweet through this trial. 
I have been tempted to fret that this set of circumstances will be a distraction, a hindrance to his faith in the LORD, alone, and not in his own ability and strength.  

I have fainted, over and over again, BUT GOD!  

I need to repeat this again... because I especially need this encouragement...

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart:  wait, I say, on the LORD. 

Psalm 27:14

Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength; 

carrying two days at once.  It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time.  Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.

Corrie Ten Boom

Thy Way, Not Mine, O LORD

Thy way, not mine, O Lord, 
However dark it be; 
Lead me by Thine own hand, 
Choose out the path for me.

Smooth let it be or rough, 
It will be still the best;
Winding or straight, it leads
Right onward to Thy rest.

I dare not choose my lot;
I would not, if I might;
Choose Thou for me, my God
So I shall walk aright.

Take Thou my cup, and it
With joy or sorrow fill,
As best to Thee may seem;
Choose Thou my good and ill.

Choose Thou for me my friends, 
My sickness or my health;
Choose Thou my cares for me,
My poverty or wealth.

The kingdom that I seek
is Thine; so let the way
That leads to it be Thine,
Else I must surely stray.

Not mine, not mine the choice
In things or great or small;
Be Thou my guide, my strength
My wisdom, and my all.

Words: Horatius Bonar, pub. 1857  

I know, O LORD, that the way of man is not in himself, that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps.  
Jeremiah 10:23

"Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me.  Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done."
Luke 22:42

And the LORD will guide you continually
and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring of water,
whose waters do not fail.
And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt'
you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,
the restorer of streets to dwell in.
Isaiah 58:11-12

Photo: View of Julington Creek, St. Johns, FL at Westminster Woods on Julington Creek.
My father, Poppy, will be living here for the next couple of weeks so he can receive physical, occupational, and speech therapy/rehabilitation.
I am thankful the LORD's provision and care for Poppy while he'll be here.

Be Exalted As Head Above All

Health is set before us as if it were the great thing to be desired above all other things.  Is it so? I would venture to say that the greatest blessing that God can give to any of us is health, with the exception of sickness.  Sickness has frequently been of more use to the saints of God than health has.  
C. H. Spurgeon

 Thanking the LORD for our visit with Poppy today.  He is adjusting well to his new home away from home.  
He wants to prove himself, but we've all encouraged him to allow this time to help him learn the new restrictions he has, so his body can heal and recover from the mini brain stem stroke he indeed had.  That was somewhat of a disappointment to learn, but I'm comforted and thankful to think of God's sovereign rule over all things. Even that mini brain stem stroke.

"If there is one maverick molecule in all the universe, then God is not sovereign.  And if God is not sovereign, He is not God."
R.C. Sproul

Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours.  Yours is the kingdom, O LORD, and you are exalted as head above all.
Both riches and honor come from you, and you rule over all.
In your hand are power and might, and in your hand it is to make great and to give strength to all.  
1 Chronicles 29:11-12  

To God be the glory!!

For the LOVE of Daisy

I struggle to write this post about Daisy, but I hope by 
doing so, it'll help me to process and release some of the emotional tension and grief I have felt this week as we had to make the hard choice to let her go, and relieve her of pain and suffering.  
Tears still flow...  
I've never been good at hiding or pretending away something that bothers me, so actually talking or writing it out helps.    

This is her story...

In February of 2015, Matthew met a kitty in the parking lot of his employment.   She came out of hiding in the pre-dawn hours those first few days as he arrived to work.  Of course, anyone should be alarmed to see a small cat in a very large parking lot filled with the coming and going of small and large vehicles, 24 hours a day.  
I would say a parking lot is the least safe and nurturing place for a pet, especially one seeking a new friend.  Adjacent to that parking lot was a construction site... Ohh my heart!  Still not a place for a cat. 
Needless to say, this little one captured Matt's heart.   She didn't appear starved for food as much as she seemed starved for attention.

Matt came home talking about her that first day, and asked, "Mom, would you be upset if I brought a kitty home?" and my response was, "Matt, we really do NOT need another cat."  
We already had two, Maple and Calvin, and we were loving (and sometimes feeding) the neighbor's roaming black cat.  My thoughts were, "We're in over our heads with pets."

Several days later, I asked Matt, "How is the kitty?  Have you seen her any more?" and he replied, "Some days I see her, and some days I don't, but I saw her this morning."
That wasn't really what I wanted to hear.  

"She's still there???"

It'd been almost a week since the first day he met her, and we'd been experiencing a cold and wet week.  So, I wondered, "Where is this kitty getting food and shelter from the elements?"  Then I thought, "Well, I suppose the least we could do is get it and feed it until we can find a home for it, or take it to the local shelter."  
I encouraged him to talk to his dad about bringing home another cat, really suspecting his dad would discourage it.

It wasn't long before Matt was collecting his keys and wallet, and walking out the door.  Behind him followed Dad, John, and Kat with a cat carrier.  WoW! 
That was a fast discussion, and his dad joined in for team support?!  Really??

Within twenty minutes, they were back with this little kitty cat, that stole my heart from the start when I saw how delicate she was.  I imagined she was approximately 6-9 months old.
She was a little skiddish at first, but she was not feral, by any stretch of the word.  She was wary, but seemingly wanted to trust us all.  She was most comfortable and content to be held by Matt.
When I finally picked her up, I was able to immediately locate a microchip between her shoulder blades.  That gave me hope that she was lost, and we might be able to return her to a family that was looking for her.

The following day, Katherine and I took her to our local low cost vet.  The vet tech took her to the back to draw blood, weigh, and check her chip.  Within a few short minutes, the vet tech and doctor returned with the sad news that the contact number on the chip was disconnected, and her blood test revealed she was positive for FIV, Feline Immunodeficiency Virus.  The doctor pretty much said, "I'm sorry we do not have better news for you, and I'm sorry, there's really nothing we can do for the FIV but give her the other vaccinations she needs, other than the FIV/FeLV".  We agreed to do that, because we didn't know what else to do at that particular moment.  All the thoughts I had at the time were, "My first cat contracted FIV, and he had to be put to sleep, but this kitty looks so healthy, and she's full of life."  All the information the doctor could give me about her was that she was chipped in 2009, so that meant she was at least 6 years old.  WOW, again, we thought she was much younger because she was so small.  

Katherine and I left disappointed for learning how vital it would be for us to keep this kitty separated from our other cats, to minimize risk of spreading this virus to them.
As soon as we got back into our truck, we cried.  I texted Matt and shared the bad news.  I began trying to detach myself.  She'd been with us less than 24 hours, and I was already feeling the strain of that.
Matt was attached!   We shared the disappointing news and asked, "What should we do?"  and He replied, "I want to keep her", but in the back of my heart, I thought, "we need to find another home for her."
Little did we know how much more quickly we'd grow fond of her.
Her crusty and cracked paws made us realize how difficult her journey had been, which made me want more than anything to give her something better than what she'd had, but I was terribly conflicted about our other cats, and the cost of her care.

I posted a picture of her on Facebook with hopes of finding another home for her, because we thought the effort was necessary. 

Maybe someone would take her who didn't already have cats, but...sadly, that didn't happen.

After spending some time researching FIV, we discussed a plan amongst us, and the following day, we made the decision we were in for the long haul.

Daisy was officially ours.  >^.^<

For thirty days we kept Little Miss Daisy locked up in MS's and Matt's room, separated from the other cats.  It worked out well, because Daisy needed time to recuperate from the vaccines she'd been given, which really compromised her body.  That made sense because of her immune-deficient body.  I realized then how taxing they were and vowed I'd never take her back to get them.



Daisy slept a lot those first few days, switching back and forth between the boys' beds.  When she wasn't asleep, she ate and drank, played, and perched in the window.

Matt spent a lot of one on one time with her each day, before and after work, and she loved all the special care we gave her in between.

Little by little, Daisy grew more eager to experience the world outside of "her room" with MS and Matt.  So we started allowing her to venture out and down the stairs.  
Somehow she knew exactly the spot where Matt would return home from work...

and she oft waited there, or close by.

As soon as she heard his voice, she'd run to him, which was always sweet to see.  

She especially loved Matt's armpits!  Ha! 
We're pretty sure those morning moments with him when he dressed, and smelling the spray of his deodorant were her favorite.  Matt said she pranced around when he sprayed it.  
Every chance she got, she nuzzled close to his chest, and as often as he'd allow, she'd bury her face into his armpits.  
Seems a strange bonding affection... but she did this often. 

 

Daisy enjoyed everyone and was happy to cuddle up to whoever would spend time with her.  

With Dad, the allergic one?  He nicknamed her "Wobbles", because sometimes she wobbled.  Later we learned that was not an unusual characteristic of  FIV nerve damage.  We always imagined she had been injured.

She won Dad over with her sweet persistent kitty affection.

With Mark Stephen, whom she also shared a room and bed, she loved and quickly attached to also, though he oft complained she washed herself  ALL night, and woke him up by washing him too!  Ha!!  Oops!  Sweet Daisy.  

  

Cousin David was faithful to visit and cuddle Daisy often...

As far as the other cats?  It didn't take much effort on her part to warn them to stay away, that she didn't want them within striking distance of her.  She started swinging her paw if they came within 2-3 feet of her.  They  quickly learned to respect her.  It wasn't that difficult to adjust to having three, sometimes four cats in the house.  Daisy kept her distance, and the other cats kept theirs. 

Bagheera (whom we also adopted later that year) was twice Daisy's size, but he being the sweet purrsonality he is, always seemed to want to hang around her.  He was such a gentlemanly cat with Daisy.

Thankfully, in time, she grew accustomed to his closer presence, and tolerated him better, as long as he respected her space, which he did.  >^.^<

Evening dinner together worked well for a common pleasure, but only briefly.  Eventually I separated their places in the kitchen to keep them from sneaking over to intimidate or steal another's food.  They still each have their own eating station.  

Daisy loved a cozy, warm fire in the winter.

She was faithful to join our family times together...

Though John spent less time holding her because of his allergies, he appreciated that she wanted to spend time with him too.  

She especially enjoyed our lengthy prayer times. 


It seems Daisy's previous owner had to have cuddled her a lot.  She loved being held, even if it meant sharing space with her unfamiliar cousin, Ping, who came to stay with us when his mom and dad went out of town.

Everyone quickly realized this about Daisy, "If you sit down, expect Daisy to find you!"  Ha!

Something funny about Daisy, is that she enjoyed sleeping in boxes, and bags, but especially boxes that were too small for her.  
It seemed she loved the tucked in feeling...

She enjoyed A LOT of boxes...

Daisy loved Christmas.

She loved the lights and sights. 

Katherine and I came home one afternoon to find Daisy had carefully tucked herself in to nap with our nativity dolls.  We were amazed she hadn't knocked any of them over.  

Sweet kitty!    

As every cat has been  known to be , shewas  curious and creative, so we had to discourage some of that behavior...

"No, Daisy, you cannot potty in the plant!"  

There was something about holding her that made you feel like she wanted to hold you back!  

Then there were signs off and on that  gave us reason to believe her FIV was flaring.  We accommodated her, and held out hope she'd recover.  Sometimes she did. 

But with this last flare, she slowly faded.  
She had good days and bad days.  
On the days and nights that were good, she climbed over the gate that we used at the entrance of the laundry room, so we had to find a higher barrier to discourage her escapes.  Eventually, even in her final weeks, she learned to nuzzle her nose to move that.  She had much zeal for us.  She always wanted to be with us. 
She didn't want to stay cooped up in the laundry room all the time.  When we were home, we let her roam, but we had to keep a close eye on her, or we held her, or took her out to the back porch so she could enjoy the sound of the 'keets, and smell the fresh outside air.  She loved being outside.   

But she slept more and more.

She never stopped giving me hope that she would endure, and rebound.  
When we finally took her to the vet, for thinking she may have a bladder infection, the doctor examined her and said she had a large abdominal tumor.  
She had overcome so much, but this tumor was taking her life.  The vet told us she was near the end... her breathing was shallow and her temperature was low.  

We all agreed we had to make that HARD decision.  
We cried!!

We were with her to the end.  As hard as it was, it was right. 

She chirped her last in Matthew's arms... 

We cried more...

I am soo proud of Matthew's tender heart, especially for his commitment to take Daisy to the end of their journey together.

Ohh, how hard it was, but ohh he was soo very loyal and faithful! 

Thank you, Father, Creator God, for giving and taking. 
Thank you for creating and sharing Daisy with us.  She was such a gift!  
Thank you for giving us the joy and privilege of loving and caring for her!  
Thank you for bringing her to the end with a happy countenance, so we could see sweet peace on her face when she went to sleep.
   

To You, we give glory!  

The LORD upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down.

The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season.

You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing. 

The LORD is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works.

The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. 

Psalm 145:14-18