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| To Have and To Hold, 09-25-87 |
If I cast up a confessed, repented, and forsaken sin against another,
and allow my remembrance of that sin to color my thinking and feed my suspicions,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.
Amy Carmichael, If
The following letter was written by Elisabeth Elliot to a woman who shared her story via her blog...
(http://lovinglifeathome.com/2014/05/30/i-married-a-sinner/)
This letter is a beautiful example of an older woman's counsel guided by scripture, and will serve us well to practice it in marriage and other relationships.
May we seek the Lord's help to live forgiveness.
Dear Jennifer:
How my heart went out to you last night as I read your letter, just
received. I understand perfectly how you felt…. Even God, who forgives the sin
and casts it into the depths of the sea, does not undo the effect of that sin,
nor can you…. The tears, the nightmares, the unbidden imaginary pictures that
torment you — how well I empathize with all of that, and pray for your comfort
and healing.
First let me say that Doug is to be commended for not allowing himself to
deceive you. He must have been in an agony over the decision to tell you,
knowing at least a little bit how much it would hurt.
Second, you suffer not alone, but actually and redemptively with Christ (see
Colossians
1:24, Philippians
1:29, 1
Peter 4:12-13, and many other passages). This aspect of suffering is a real
life-changer. Study it for the rest of your life.
Third, you suffer quite literally because of another’s sin, which is exactly
what Christ did.
Because He paid the price for yours, you too must be willing
to pay the price for Doug’s — the price of sorrow, heartbreak, the sense of
irremediable loss…. Forgiveness means absolute relinquishment of all that. It
is a laying down of your life. Your dream of the “perfect” man has to go — it
is this man God has given you, another sinner (there isn’t anything else to
marry!) — it is this gift you receive in thanksgiving, acknowledging the fact
that in this fallen, broken world, there is no place where the heart may be
perfectly at rest and wholly filled except at the Spring of Living Water. Drink
there, dear Jennifer, and be at peace.
Doug’s admission will always be a reminder to you that he needs your
sacrificial, self giving love. When you sin against him, as you
certainly will, any wife does, you will then know, when you have to ask his
forgiveness, that you are two human beings in need of the Amazing Grace that
saves WRETCHES!!
You are, as Peter wrote, “heirs together of the grace
of life.”
So forgive him freely, utterly, joyfully — for that is how Christ has forgiven
you (Ephesians
4:32).
Bring all those awful thoughts and imaginations under the Lordship
of Christ (2 Corinthians 10), and receive this man as your God-given
husband, promising to honor, which means, among other things, never to bring up
again that which has been put under the Blood.
I know a young woman who steadfastly refused to forgive her husband…. She
has, in spite of Christian profession, destroyed her marriage, destroyed her
own life, and blighted the lives of others. Don’t refuse the grace of God for
your own deep needs, nor refuse to Doug the grace He will give you to forgive
him.
Lovingly,
Elisabeth Elliot
If I say, "Yes, I forgive, but I cannot forget," as though the God,
who twice a day washes all the sands on all the shores of all the world,
could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of
Calvary love.1
- See more at: http://www.insight.org/resources/devotionals/how-to-make-forgiveness-happen.html#sthash.Qq7cFxby.dpuf
If I say, "Yes, I forgive, but I cannot forget," as though the God,
who twice a day washes all the sands on all the shores of all the world,
could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of
Calvary love.1
- See more at: http://www.insight.org/resources/devotionals/how-to-make-forgiveness-happen.html#sthash.Qq7cFxby.dpuf
If I say, "Yes, I forgive, but I cannot forget," as though the God,
who twice a day washes all the sands on all the shores of all the world,
could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of
Calvary love.1
- See more at: http://www.insight.org/resources/devotionals/how-to-make-forgiveness-happen.html#sthash.v7GLNTRF.dpuf
If
I say, "Yes, I forgive, but I cannot forget," as though the God, who
twice a day washes all the sands on all the shores of all the world,
could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of
Calvary love.1 - See more at:
http://www.insight.org/resources/devotionals/how-to-make-forgiveness-happen.html#sthash.v7GLNTRF.dpuf
If
I say, "Yes, I forgive, but I cannot forget," as though the God, who
twice a day washes all the sands on all the shores of all the world,
could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of
Calvary love.1 - See more at:
http://www.insight.org/resources/devotionals/how-to-make-forgiveness-happen.html#sthash.v7GLNTRF.dpuf
If
I say, "Yes, I forgive, but I cannot forget," as though the God, who
twice a day washes all the sands on all the shores of all the world,
could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of
Calvary love.1 - See more at:
http://www.insight.org/resources/devotionals/how-to-make-forgiveness-happen.html#sthash.v7GLNTRF.dpuf
If I say, "Yes, I forgive, but I cannot forget," as though the God,
who twice a day washes all the sands on all the shores of all the world,
could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of
Calvary love.1
- See more at: http://www.insight.org/resources/devotionals/how-to-make-forgiveness-happen.html#sthash.v7GLNTRF.dpuf
If I say, "Yes, I forgive, but I cannot forget," as though the God,
who twice a day washes all the sands on all the shores of all the world,
could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of
Calvary love.1
- See more at: http://www.insight.org/resources/devotionals/how-to-make-forgiveness-happen.html#sthash.v7GLNTRF.dpu
